Review: El Bistro ★★★★★
El Bistro, located a stone’s throw away from Atitlan lake, bills itself as an Italian restaurant. I refuse to call the garbage they put on a plate Italian. It’s an insult to Italians, and to food in general. What El Bistro serves up is slop, with a hearty profit off tourists. If only I had a time machine, I would go back and have my tongue removed before eating here.
It should be obvious by this point of the review that this place is a tourist trap. The food is beyond bland. We’re not heavy users of salt at home. Whenever I find myself reaching for it in a restaurant, it’s a clear indication that there are some serious problems in the kitchen.
We started with the antipasto and right away we knew there was a problem. The ham looked like it came from one those super cheap clamshell packs. It had that mass produced processed meat taste. If you were doing a blind taste test you wouldn’t know what kind of meat you had in your mouth. The cheeses, on the other hand, had no taste. It was like putting plastic in your mouth.
Things got worse when our entrées arrived. We ordered two different pastas dishes. The Alfredo was beyond bland. It was like eating naked fettuccine. It was also very watery, rather than thick and creamy. The pasta with red sauce didn’t fare much better. It came covered in a thick mozzarella. Like every cheese before that it, it was tasteless and had the consistency of plastic. The restaurant would have done much better with a couple jars of Ragu, which is a sad indictment of their skills, or lack thereof.
Was There Anything Good?
The drinks were ok, which is about the only good thing going here.
The restaurant is clearly aimed at tourists passing through. The high prices, for Guatemala, reflect that. We can state this strongly enough: this place is a no go! Avoid, avoid, AVOID!
While you’re here, why not check out some of other REVIEWS or TRAVEL WRITE UPS from around the world.
Contact & General Information
Price: Mid-range – Expensive (for Guatemala)
Hours: Daily, 8am-10pm
Website: None
Location: Google
